Raine
Full Member
Vigil Eraser
"A forest bird never wants a cage." - Henrik Ibsen
Posts: 713
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Post by Raine on Feb 4, 2009 11:57:35 GMT -5
Close your eyes
although you know you can't sleep
Pull out the knife under the bed you keep
Red lines cover your wrist
Thinking of how you'll never be missed
Wait for demise
Look up at the skies
Stars sparkle brightly
the blade held tightly
Think of what they'll say
It's a bloody shame
Thoose liars
They only care for their own desires
Blood dripping down
you start to drown
Into the blackness
The voices all fade
and you drop the knife blade
and you're gone |
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Post by Dakota on Feb 25, 2009 19:49:21 GMT -5
I like it. It's very true for people who get into those stages that they want to committ suicide. I haven't of course, but I had a few friends who cut themselves for fun, and one that threatened suicide when she was rejected by every guy in the grade.
It's very nice, I like the poem and verbage use. I would recommend making a pattern, 'cause there are times when you go two lines without rhyming and such. But other than that it's a great piece of work. I'm going to say what I say a lot to poem makers. If you can play guitar, drums, or piano, experiment with chords and what not and try out a few beats and see if you can make a song with it.
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Post by Tagg on Feb 27, 2009 22:47:20 GMT -5
You ever scare me like you did earlier Raine, and I swear I'll hunt you down and kill you.  Otherwise, great poem. You've improved a lot since you first started posting them, so good job! |
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Raine
Full Member
Vigil Eraser
"A forest bird never wants a cage." - Henrik Ibsen
Posts: 713
|
Post by Raine on Feb 28, 2009 0:06:36 GMT -5
XD
Sorry again for that... hehehe...
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Post by Dakota on Mar 2, 2009 10:00:14 GMT -5
Wait... What did she do earlier that was really scary? Sorry, I don't know these things because... I wasn't here, obviously.
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Post by Fox on Mar 2, 2009 10:20:21 GMT -5
she attempted suicide
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