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Post by waterspirt45 on Jun 9, 2008 22:40:35 GMT -5
“You sure we should be doing this? I mean she’s just a kid,” The guard whispered to companion.
“She may be a kid but she’s a killer and a thief, she must be punished,” The guard’s companion replied.
“We have no proof that she’s done all of these things, and have forgotten who she is?” The guard.
“Of course I haven’t, she is Andrelian Kokoro noble and first class thief and murder she must be killed herself,” The companion replied.
'Lies'. Andrelian thought to herself in her cell. 'All lies, my name is Andry. I don’t deserve to be killed. I didn’t murder. I was attacked and I used self-defense. He was armed so that was no murder.' Andry was in a hateful mood right now. Why were they talking right there where Andry could see and hear them. She wanted so much to say ‘Hey I’m right here you know, I didn’t do anything. You people don’t know anything about the laws!’ but that would just make it worse. So she just sat there in her cold stony cell. Staring at the faces walking by. All of them pointing and whispering something about her. Andry wanted to jump up and start pulling on the bars. 'Wait for the right time Andry, then you’ll escape. Just wait.' That’s what Andry kept telling herself.
Days past. It started to seem as if there would never be a right time for Andry. Maybe she actually would die. No she would be executed. Andry waited days then weeks. Her death racing to her. Soon she would die. She knew that. And for something she didn’t do. Another day or two passed Andry now knew that her death was innominate.
That night Andry lay there in the corner of her sell sleeping peacefully. Then a small thud woke her up.
“Lady Andrelian come quickly,” A boy about her age whispered to her.
“What is it time for my death?” Andry sneered. It was a shock to hear her own voice. She hadn’t talked for months.
“No my lady I’ve come to rescue you,” The boy said. Andry look at her cell door. It was opened.
“This isn’t some sort of fairytale book so drop the act,” Andry said getting up. Andry stepped out of her cell and ran for the door. She completely forgot to be silent as she ran. So of course a guard heard her.
“Get back here you troublesome girl!” The man yelled.
“Not in your dreams!” Andry yelled back. Andry ran through the door and into the woods. Andry came to a stop and looked around. She seemed safe but where was the boy?
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Raine
Full Member
Vigil Eraser
"A forest bird never wants a cage." - Henrik Ibsen
Posts: 713
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Post by Raine on Jun 9, 2008 23:26:53 GMT -5
It's good!
I like the way you introduced the charactors!
Post some more soon 'kay?
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Post by Jetta on Jun 10, 2008 8:47:14 GMT -5
Yes!! That was VERY good!!
All I saw was some minor past and present tense issues and some spelling, but I'm sure you have spelling all fixed right wherever you have it. Who doesn't have those issues?
I can't believe you hate your stories!! Post more!! I want to read them all!
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Post by waterspirt45 on Jun 10, 2008 10:30:17 GMT -5
Gah I still don't like 'em!! I'll post more *sigh* I guess. But only if Jehte updates on her story. I like that one!!!
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Post by Jetta on Jun 10, 2008 19:51:51 GMT -5
I still love your story!
I might post a different story on here for fixing, one that I already have done. BUT ONLY IF YOU CONTINUE TO UPDATE TOO!!
*woot*
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Post by waterspirt45 on Jun 10, 2008 22:44:27 GMT -5
*really deep sigh* Fine. But it takes me a while I have problems with writers block (as I have told you before)
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Post by Jetta on Jun 11, 2008 11:10:29 GMT -5
As long as you keep posting them. ^^
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Post by waterspirt45 on Jun 12, 2008 1:34:53 GMT -5
Here's Chapter Two (please ignore the title)
Back at The Prison
The guard ran over to the alarm and rung it. 'stupid girl might cost me my life' The guard thought to himself. Soon there was a rampage of guards. Although one of them seemed particularly short. Hoping for a stroke of luck the guard grabbed the short guards helmet and ripped it off the boys head.
"Well, well, well, what do we have here? Perhaps the boy who invaded our prison and took away our prize," The Guard cackled.
"I don't know what your talking about,"The boy said.
"Uh huh, tell that to the judge," The guard said curly as he thorough the boy into Andry's old cell.
'Lady Andry better be happy' the boy thought to himself.
In The Woods
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Andry was pacing while thinking. Then again why else would you pace?
'If I go back there then I might get caught. And then we would both die. But if I stay here then the boy who humbly saved my like WILL die. I'm caught between a rock and a hard place.' Andry thought to herself. But she knew the choice was simple. She had to go back. No matter how much she despised it. Andry sighed and sat down making plans to break in to the prison.
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Post by Jetta on Jun 12, 2008 7:45:10 GMT -5
Are you going to eventually tell the boy saved her? I want to know. xD
Around what time period is this, kindof?
This one was really good too. ^^
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Post by waterspirt45 on Jun 12, 2008 12:26:21 GMT -5
it is a modern time. Except with different ranks. There are no kings and queens. There are the nobles...
And about your first part. I don't know what you mean by that. If you mean what's the boys name then you will find that out in the next chapter.
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Post by Jetta on Jun 12, 2008 18:31:02 GMT -5
Sorry, I misworded the first part.
Are you going to tell WHY the boy saved her? That better?
I like that time period.... it is the best time to write in, isn't it?
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Post by waterspirt45 on Jun 12, 2008 19:01:16 GMT -5
I will tell you why he saved her around the next two or so chapters.
I love that time It is so esey to write every thing.
Oh and I'm working on the next chapter right now
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Post by Jetta on Jun 12, 2008 19:46:12 GMT -5
Sweet!!
I'm really liking this story, its good.
Theirs this one story by Tamorah Peirce that its KIND OF like... I forget the name... but it has the same mood, if you catch my drift.
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Post by waterspirt45 on Jun 16, 2008 12:06:05 GMT -5
The guard opened the boy’s cell. And shoved the boy into a white room. The guard grunted and left. Shortly after a man came in and sat down. “Hello,” The man greeted “What do you want?” The boy asked. “The truth,” The man replied “Okay then why don’t you tell me the truth about why you wanted to kill Lady Andrelian,” The boy said. “She is a criminal.” The man answered, “Since we are talking about the girl why don’t you tell me why you are so willing to save her?” “Why should I answer that,” The boy asked. “Because it might save your life,” The man replied. “Now what’s your name?” “Tomes,” The boy mumbled. The man grinned. “Now we are getting some where. How old are you?” “Fourteen,” Tomes said slouching into his chair. “Why did you want to save the girl?” The man said. “You have asked this before and I’m still not going to tell you,” Tomes said The man sighed and left the room. The guard came in and took Tomes back to his cell. Just outside the Prison - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ‘I’m going to hate myself for this.’ Andry thought to herself. Andry was just outside of the prison lurking in the shadows. Andry had no idea what she was thinking. She had no idea where the boy was being kept. Her best bet was to look in her cell. But even so she hadn’t a clue where that was. Andry just knew she would get hopelessly lost and would meet a few guards and then even if she was innocent (which she was) she would get convicted for escaping from prison then die. Andry took a deep breath and stepped out of the shadows to the door. (Of course it was the back door.) Slowly Andry reached out for the handle and opened to door. She waled inside and worked her way to her cell. ‘This isn’t SO bad I’m not completely lost I haven’t ran into any guards yet... I think I’ll make it.’ Andry thought to herself. While she was thinking that she turned a corner and saw three guards talking to each-other. Andry stopped dead afraid. ‘Of course.’ Andry thought to herself. ‘Well, Andry the lesson to be learned here is that whenever you think you’re lucky you WILL jinks yourself.’ Finally Andry got enough common sense to step back behind the corner. Unfortunately she was not quick enough to hide her existent. So a guard saw her. “Hey you there girl,” The guard yelled racing to her. Ooc- GAH stupid writers block!! Oh and her are pics of the people in my story. Andry  Tomes  |
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Post by Jetta on Jun 16, 2008 15:25:53 GMT -5
Ooh, nice pics.
Keep writing! And posting of course!! LOVE it. xD
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Post by waterspirt45 on Jun 18, 2008 22:43:44 GMT -5
The guard ran twords Andry rapidly. He turned the corner and grabbed Andry by her wrist and held her in the air.
"You are a fool to come back here girl," The guard yelled. He gave a motion to the other guards to leave. The other guards obeyed. "Listen just play along Lady Andrelain," The guard whispered to Andry.
Andry was no quite sure what the guard meant by that. Surely he did not mean to help her. If he did the he would be punished greatly. "What?" Andry asked.
"Just play along," The guard said once more, "Act like I will actually hurt you,"
"Uh... Sure?" Andry replied still some what confused.
"Come on off to the cell with you," The guard said loudly, in a whisper he asked Andry: "Why did you come back here?"
"To save the boy who saved me," Andry whispered.
"Okay then, just so you his name is Tomes," The guard told Andry as he dragged her through the hall way.
Andry nodded. Hoping this was not a trick. They turned a corner and Andry saw the bay who saved her.
"In you go," The guard said pushing her back into her cell. The guard 'locked' the cell and left.
"What are you doing here!?" Tomes whispered to Andry.
"I come back here to save you," Andry replied.
"You weren't supposed to you fool," Tomes hissed.
"You experted me to stay away while they would kill you, no not going to happen," Andry said stubbornly "And that guard didn't lock the cell door when he caught me I think he wanted to help me escape,"
Tomes sighed, "You're just as stubborn and trusting as you were four years ago when you saved me,"
Flashback
You pathetic little boy," A man sneered at Tomes grabbing him by his shirt. "What should I do with you? Cut off you limbs, throw you into the ocean, set you on fire, or how about all three,"
"Hey you," Andry yelled. "I got two questions for you: One, how can you do all three when the water from the ocean would put out the fire? And two, you want me to do that to you I have connections you know," Andry said walking up to the man and punching him in the stomach. The man let go of Tomes and gasped for breath. "Let's go," Andry yelled grabbing Tomes's hand and pulling him into a small building.
End of Flashback
"Oh I remember that we were only ten at that time," Andry said giggling some.
"Yeah, as soon as I heard you were to be killed I had to come and save you," Tomes said.
"Oh. You didn't really need to risk your life for me you know," Andry said.
Tomes shook his head. "No I wanted to," Tomes looked around, "Let's get out of here."
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Post by Jetta on Jun 18, 2008 23:04:22 GMT -5
Love it!!!
You come up with the best ideas Izumi!!
So is it back to writers block now, or do you have more ideas?
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Post by waterspirt45 on Jun 18, 2008 23:07:48 GMT -5
I have a few more ideas. I'll see if I can fit them into another chapter sometime soon... but not right now...
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Post by Jetta on Jun 18, 2008 23:29:57 GMT -5
Yah, lol, must give the ol' brain a break!
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Post by waterspirt45 on Jun 19, 2008 9:47:11 GMT -5
lol Right! ^^ My brain isdead right now  . |
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